anna am 15.02.2011 20:02
We both.
Nici.
So, I\'m gonna try to say what I wanna say in english, \'cause I really think, this language makes it more dramatic. Well, even if I not really have a clue, if you write about me in the last text on this diary-page. But if you do, I want to say something about it.
Dear Nici,
you made clear that you didn\'t want to continue the friendship, okey, I couldn\'t do a thing about it, it was your decision. And I accepted, which shouldn\'t mean, that I was a piece of happy with this situation. I didn\'t run after you, why should I? I let you be, simply be. I thought, that\'s the thing you expect from me. I thought, you\'d be happy not to have to see me . Not to feel my existence. I never wanted a kind of fight or argue. But I got used to the thought never to be your friend again. And I thought, I could stand it. I thought I could live without you by my side. Am I really able to? ...
But now I really have to say, I feel different. I feel relieved. You miss me. Do you really do? Or is it kinda lie again, a lie, you only write there to create a exciting story for all the readers. This connection is gone, the feeling, to be unseparable, the feeling to be able to keep you in my heart for ever. I don\'t know, when I\'ll lose you the next time, and when you will make me feel like this again. I don\'t know, when you\'ll accuse me the next time, to have the desire to be in midpoint, and when you\'ll make me ridiculous again. I don\'t know, and if I tell you the truth, I don\'t even want to know. I just want this insanity to be stopped, I just want everyone, who\'s got a problem with me, to tell me the truth, to tell me the reason, why! I just want everyone, who\'s got no reason for his problem to tell me this or simply to stop fighting me. I just want to be HAPPY again, without these insane, mean and mad things standing there on your homepage. I just want to be friends with you again. Real friends. But still I don\'t know what I mean to you. You said, you didn\'t mind how everything goes. you said, it didn\'t matter if I\'m fine or not. It hurt. But also you said, I can be how I want to, you still like me. But should I think, that this was the truth, after all? I don\'t know, I\'m totally confused. Now it\'s your turn. Translate this if you want, if you don\'t ask me what I wanted to say, or do not. It\'s your decision, what to do now. I\'m not gonna try to influence it, or interfere. Do what you wanna do, I\'m off, Bye.
Anna
nein 
