- angry

Home thoughts at 11:25 a collection tired angry Gästebuch

not you. not now. not this.

I'm so incredibly angry
at myself
for letting you go.
and then I try to get you back, please I need you here.
my companion, more than any human could ever be.
you can't be gone now, not after all of this.
trying to find you, he opens the message.
no response.
angry.
my heart is racing, my mind's even faster.
rage fills me up, because i don't understand.
please, ellaborate on how you can say you care about me, but ignore this?
i don't want you. i don't need you.
i need my friend, where is my friend.
not here, because "they don't belong to me".
because i don't matter anymore
not to the boy, not to my friend.
but i always mattered to you, and now you're out there.
hopefully you're out there.
please be out there.

update: my cat died

because a stupid motherfucker ran her over and didn't even bother to stop and look, if he could still help.
whoever you are, i truly hope that you will never experience the pain i am experiencing right now.
losing a pet is like losing a best friend.
you were always there for me, always.
not a single of these threatening nights went by without you by my side and not a single one I would have survived without you.
no pet will ever be the same, no pet will ever be like you and that's good.
but i miss you.
god
i already miss you so much, it's just been a few days, how can i miss you so much?
all i want is one more moment with you, your purr, your touch, the warmth you give me, whenever i feel like everything around me is frozen in time and i can't get out.
now i really can't get out anymore and i don't know
how
i
will
survive
this