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14. July 2011

Baby;

My heart is beating faster when you are online and by thinking of you!

Last night I dreamed about you again...

I took a walk with Finn in the sunset on the beach. I know, very "romantic" and not my style, but okay... We walked, and walked, and then suddenly we were in Turkey.. Okay thats not realistic, but still okay...
We saw you, with another girl, also on the beach.
I was so sad, but I knew it's just fair... I went over to you, very ashamed, and wanted to talk to you. You ignored me. I was jsut like a ghost, or a shadow... And I had to watch you...
I went back, but Finn wasn't there anymore.
Suddenly I was at home again. You called me and told me, that you hate me, and I will always be like a nobody to you. I asked for one last meeting... We met and... I understood, what I've done to you, and I tried to win you back. I tried everything. At the end I killed the other girl... Sounds "a bit" horrific... I know! But I killed her, and you confessed, that you just wanted to hurt me. And you wanted to know, how much I love you in reality... But cause of that I killed her, you don't wanted to see my again. Never!

Okay, I don't know what it means, or what I have to learn from this...I already know, what I did to you, and that I hurt you soooooo much, so badly! And I also know, what I can do...
Please... I know it's hard for you.. And I am sorry......!!!!

I love you darling!! <3

Mini is sad. I always talked with her about you. Now I am not there for her anymore.. or not that much I was before.

I know I hurt you again if I tell you... or maybe not, I don't know...
But I said, I will tell you, if I do it again.

And yes, I am sorry... I cut myself again!
I hurts to much to be without you!...

I love you dear...


Your...

Last Unicorn

15. July 2011

The fact, that you haven't written anything yet, in my "Gästebuch"... hmm.. I think you agree with forget me. Or try to for get me.

Okay Özge, it's okay.. and I hope you will be glad with your decision. Really! I wish you a nice and wonderful life without me, but with another girl. I wont forget you! I will contine with write in here and maybe you will read further. But I think it would not be good for you...

As I told you, I just want to see you happy and smiling. Your wonderful smile...

Oh sorry...

Stupid girl who thought about a realtionship with you, when she is only hurting her partner, and lies to him.

(Oh it hurts to leave you ...)

Please tell me, that you will not leave...

Özge...


I am sorry....

I am soooo sooooo sooooooo much sorry...


But I don't want to be a burden for you! Never...
When you told me this, I felt so lost, left alone, empty, hollow! And guilty...

Okay I am repeating myself again and again, but I don't know what to do or what to tell you... I can't follow your offer.. not yet!

And you knew it already ... Actually I don't have to tell you anything about "I am guilty" and "I am sooo alone" or "I love or/and miss you" 'cause you already know it. And it hurts you!

I could hurt you every day again.

You can call me player, bitch, or what ever if it helps you...

BUT (damn stupid *but*)... I love you!



Your...

Last Unicorn

16. July 2011

Love;

You are the only one who can understand me! Always!!

I hope you are better now? I mean the last two days. I am sorry...

I will tell Mini that you are thinking about her... still... I think she will be gald to hear that... Always she is glad to hear about you, I think. At least it looks like that... :)

I don't know what to tell you today... Like always...

Life is so boring and empty... and talking to you here is not the same as before... Also, because you are not answering now. Only in my "Gästebuch"

So...
I hope you will have a nice evening without disease.. Please kiss Bilbo and tell him that I miss him!
And I miss you too... <3


Your...
Last Unicron

17. July 2011

Dear...

I don't know what to tell...

Damn... If I am not talking to you in ICQ I feel to far away...


But I ..LOVE.. you...


Tomorrow I will write more..


Your...

Last Unicorn

18. July 2011

Özge;

Mom is asking for you. Dirk is asking for you. And ICQ says today is your birthday?! I don't know... You wrote to me your birthday is the 27th July. So that's why I am asking now. Do you have birthday today? Or when?
And if it'y your birthday today so happy birthday dear! But I don't know it, right?!

I've started a new therapie 'cause of borderline and cutting. So you don't have to worry about me anymore please. (At least I hope so)
She is a nice woman!

I really wish you to find another woman or girl who will be good for you. I am sorry that I did these thing to you. Really!!
I realized, that there are so many bad and stupid guys in the world who wants only ONE THING and so on. Now I miss you, but I hurt you, so I don't deserve you anymore.

I fell inlove with you, 'cause ... He... was so bad to me. He also hurt me. Everyday. I came to you when I felt bad and I could laugh with you. With you I was welcome and at home... Not with him. That's why! Now you know it... I just run to you 'cause you were there for me, and you understood me. You took care...
For ..Him... I was just ... nothing, I think.
I really loved you ... I still love you, cause I just can't stop loving someone. If I love someone, it takes a long long time to stop this love or to forget. No, that wrong! I will NEVER forget someone!

The time with you was very very nice and magical! Thank you for everything!


I am again listening to the last song you sent me...


I can't explain my feelings..



I love you!!




Your...

Last Unicorn

19. July 2011

Happy birthday again...

Sorry, I was confused, 'cause facebook said and you said to me you have first birthday on the 27th july. I am sorry! Did you spend a nice day? I hope so!

Your mom... does she hate me? Of course! and what about your friends? They also! Of course! Why not, right?!

Hmmm... I hope bilbo doesn't hate me but of course he can if he wants!

But:

"When the last eagle flies over the last crumbling mountain, and the last lion roars at the last dusty fountain..." (Soundtrack of The Last Unicorn)

...Even then I wont stop loving you!


I miss you!


And I don't know what I can write... I am sorry!!!


In Love;

Your...

Last Unicorn

20. July 2011

Hey...

I made something for you... out of a special piece of stone...

I hope you like it!!

It's a little kitten...

But I have no picture yet.

I love you...


Your...

Last Unicorn

22. July 2011

Hey Özge;

Sorry for yesterday, but... He... was very bad to me.. I am sorry...

How are you?
How is your mom?
..and Bilbo?

I found a new school for next year. A boarding school... I think it will be nice... (maybe)

Thomas, maybe you remember him? Is calling me... But I dont answer... He makes me afraid with it...

Mini "ate" a library-book... :( Bad Mini... and now I have to pay for it!!! x(

Next weekend is "Brarup Markt" .. a "party" in a village in germany.. I will meet some friends there... He... is not very happy cause I want to go there...  (He doesnt want to go with me) :'(  

Here is it raining all day and all night! And its cold again... Not usually for july...

Oh Özge... I miss you! I miss everything so much!!!

I love you...

Your...

Last Unicorn

23.& 24. July 2011

Sag mir was ist bloß um uns geschehn
Du scheinst mir auf einmal völlig fremd zu sein
Warum gehts mir nich mehr gut
Wenn ich in deinen Armen liege
Ist es egal geworden was mit uns passiert

Wo willst du hin, ich kann dich kaum noch sehn
Unsre Eitelkeit stellt sich uns in den Weg
Wollten wir nicht alles wagen, haben wir uns vielleicht verraten
Ich hab geglaubt wir könnten echt alles ertragen

Symphonie
Und jetzt wird es still um uns
Denn wir steh'n hier im Regen
haben nichts mehr zu geben
Und es ist besser wenn du gehst

Denn es ist Zeit
Sich einzugestehn, dass es nicht geht
Es gibt nichts mehr zu reden, denn wenn es regnet
Ist es besser aufzugeben

Und es verdichtet sich die Stille über uns
Ich versteh nicht ein Wort mehr aus deinem Mund
Haben wir zu viel versucht, warum konnten wirs nicht ahnen
Es wird nicht leicht sein das alles einzusehen


Symphonie
Und jetzt wird es still um uns
Denn wir steh'n hier im Regen haben nichts mehr zu geben
Und es ist besser wenn du gehst

Symphonie
Irgendwo sind wir gescheitert
Und so wie's ist, so gehts nich weiter
Das Ende ist schon lang geschrieben
Und das war unsre...

... Symphonie
Und jetzt wird es still um uns
Denn wir steh'n hier im Regen, haben nichts mehr zu geben
Und es ist besser wenn du gehst

Denn es ist Zeit
Sich einzugestehn, dass es nicht geht
Es gibt nichts mehr zu reden
Denn wenns nur regnet
Ist es besser aufzugeben

Silbermond - Symphonie
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxijG1N4jF4)

I miss you!!!

I wish it wouldnt be like this!!


I wish you were here, so I could hug you. Kiss you...

I wish I could just talk to you again!!!


<3 Dear Özge...

...You are everything to me!! Had always been... and will always!! <3

25. July 2011

Dear...

I dont know if you still read my diary, but I want you to know, that I love you!!! I love you, love you, loooooovvvvveeeee you!!!!

I am looking out of the window, see it rainung, and I an thinking on you. What you are doing, and how the weather is there! And I remember you said, you like rain too... It makes me sad..

I am walking with Mini trough the forest, I wish were there with me. Once you told me, you like the forest too... Like me...  I am looking at Mini, playing in the forest, hunting some poor birds there, or jumping in a leaf pile... I wish you could see it... I wish you would laugh with me... and be there... by my side..

I am alone in my room, looking around. Looking at my mess and I wonder what you would say, if you could see it. I think you would amazed how untidy I can be...
And if I lie in my bed, I am watching your pics and letters... every evening!! the painting is hanging right beside my bed.. so I can watch it...

Everything I do, I am thinking of you!!!

Today... Little June died too... I dont know, I am thinking about a hereditary disease... Or she died, cause she missed Moomin. Mom doesnt know it yet. I just found out some hours ago and it was a hard day for her today...

I miss you!!!

And please, also if everything dies now, everything what I love!!
Please dont die too!!!

Please wait for me...

I love you Özge!!! <3

Your...

Last Unicorn
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